The Dirty Word Series #2: Masturbation.
That’s right. Wanking. Frigging. Paying with yourself. Getting yourself off. Autoeroticism. Flying solo. Beating the meat. Buff the muffin. Fap. Jack off. Jerk off. Jill off. Knock one out. Pleasure oneself. Tossing off. Diddle. Flick the bean. Itch the ditch. Pet the kitty. Play the clitar. Polish the pearl. Choke the chicken. Spank the monkey.
Anything else you can think of?
We are now starting to see mainstream media attempt to un-do some of this for the younger generation, though shows like Sex Education, Pen15, and even the more crude Big Mouth.
So why has it gotten such a bad name historically?
Most of our modern day cultures and societies have shunned and outcast this very normal and delightful human activity. Some of it stems from religious beliefs based on cleanliness or saving oneself. Some call it sinful. Some call it addictive or harmful. Some of it stems from men’s attempts to control women’s bodies (which we are still seeing currently in the Roe VS Wade abortion conversations in the USA, for example). Some of it is family norms around keeping topics private. All of these elements create a sense of taboo around talking about masturbation beyond the conversation with ourselves.
But masturbation is not just about reaching orgasm and genital play. It is also about getting to know your body and spending time with yourself. Time our modern day culture so easily ignores, shuns or avoids. It has lost its’ perceived ‘value’.
But think about it… if you’re not getting to know your body and its’ sexual peaks and troughs, patterns and preferences, how will you know how to ask for what you want or need? How will you be able to guide a new lover/s in getting to know your body if you don’t even know?
Here’s a physical challenge: If you have a few minutes to spare at the beginning or end of your day, try having a little play. Slow down, turn devices off, do whatever you like to get in a sexy mood, and just start by gentle caressing. Nothing more. Just stroking or tickling yourself, whatever genitals or sexual body part you desire. And just observe how it feels and what you notice. No orgasm or ‘completion’ needs to happen. You might find that it leads to it, sure. But it also might not, and that’s totally fine. Just familiarise your body with touch and normalise it.
You may notice a mixture of emotions arise and that is ok too. No judgement here.
Benefits of self play
Hormone hits - dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin, the love and bonding hormone. Producing more of these feel-good hormones can lower cortisol, a primary stress hormone that can lead to inflammation, insomnia and weight-loss resistance. Higher levels of oxytocin can also make us feel happier, reduce cravings and improve your overall mood.
Self-confidence and body image hits - especially for female masturbation. It can lead to a sense of autonomy and bodily integrity that can improve an individual’s sense of identity. On the other hand, feeling guilty about masturbation can inhibit a woman’s comfort with her own body and can even lead to negative attitudes about contraceptives.
Sexual satisfaction hits - Masturbation can be a powerful way to learn more about your body, build sexual tension, and your preferences. By helping individuals understand how their bodies react to different activities, masturbation can actually make other sexual experiences more pleasurable. Masturbation is also becoming a more common prescribed treatment in sex therapy, and has even been used to treat various sexual dysfunctions, including premature ejaculation in men.
Longer life expectancy - A 25-year study found that greater frequency of sex predicted a lower annual death rate for men, while enjoyment of intercourse predicted a lower mortality rate for women. The benefits associated with more sexual activity had the biggest impact on coronary heart disease mortality. While this study primarily focused on actual sexual intercourse, male masturbation and female masturbation can have some of the same benefits, helping to reduce cortisol and stress, reducing inflammation and boosting key hormones.
Reduce prostate cancer risks - A Harvard Medical School study found that increased ejaculations, including from sexual intercourse and masturbation, was linked to a decreased risk of some health problems, including prostate cancer, for men. Compared to men who reported 4-7 ejaculations per month across their lifetimes, men who ejaculated 21 or more times each month saw a 31% lower risk of prostate cancer.
When is it not healthy?
Like almost all things, there’s potential for it to become a shadow side. Notice if masturbation is inhibiting your regular life, schedule or function. Notice if it is becoming obsessional or compulsive. Notice if you are experiencing secondary issues like physical chaffing or callouses or other concerns. Notice if its’ no longer pleasurable or is affecting other parts of your sex life or it negatively affects your mood state.
