How a therapist nurtures

As the end of another lunar calendar year draws to a close, it is a logical and common time to reflect. Yes, even more than usual. This time, I have been particularly drawn to reflect on how unique the roles of therapist and client are, and what an indescribable relationship this can be at times.

My own supervisor and therapist has demonstrated this to me several times in the way she and I interact, and even spelled it out for me one day. She said, “You are essentially in a mothering role. You are nurturing your clients the way a healthy parent nurtures their offspring. They come to you wounded, vulnerable, exposed, hurt. They require the love, delicate care, honest encouragement and nurturing that one would give a child, a new born in fact. You are like their mother'“.

I sat with this and pondered for a while.

As someone who has not been called to physically procreate on this earth, this concept felt jarring at first. And then, felt perfectly suited. I love my clients. All of them. They are all very much considered valuable, tender, extraordinary children.

I leave the therapy room at the end of a work day, sometimes filled up and envirogated from a day filled with “aha” moments and deep connections. Sometimes I leave the day depleted, concerned or left with only the option to trust in client and universe. But always, always, I leave and reflect in my car on the drive home: For each person I saw that day, I say each of their names out loud to myself as I drive, giving each person a few minutes of reflection, descriptive words for our dynamic that day, and how I felt in our process. In this way, I not only close off my day, but I honour each client and what they have brought. And I can honestly say, that there are many, many times, when I am brought to tears with love, deep care, awe, inspiration, joy, and pride. In session, we tend to what needs tending to, and my client-children-babybirds leave the therapy room nest and go off into their worlds yet again, hopefully slightly stronger and braver each time.

I feel so much outpouring of myself to each one - my emotions, my psychology, sometimes even my physiological body from our somatic and intuitive work.

And so the nurturer, the mother, the therapist, needs rest so she can continue to nurture her children. At these times, I hibernate, I plan for breaks, I maintain my own supervision and therapy. I seek out people and activities that nurture me. I need to find my nurturing mother roles and spaces. This usually includes a face mask, dim lighting, a massage in silence, putting my phone on “do not disturb”, I share with a few close friends of where my tank is at, I fill my cup up with nature and lay on the grass and breathe fresh air into my lungs, I move my body at gym, and I let my therapist hold space for me. In this way, I am nurtured so that I may nurture again and again.

This is the ongoing commitment to my clients and my practice. The amount of hours spent to ensure I am supported, adequately supervised and trained, and nurtured, is just as valuable and integral as turning up and sitting in a chair.

As always, my goal and intention here in these expressions is to be as real and honest as I possibly can. This is part of my own commitment to my authentic self and to live with integrity. It is not usual for a therapist to share or reveal the “behind the curtain” moments, but occasionally I feel drawn to when it may be useful for deepening the bond between therapist and client. I very often say what an honour and privilege it is to hold space for someone, to bear witness to them, to extend my emotional self to them, to intricately put pieces of their inner worlds back together slowly with them. In this way, I feel like a nurturing parent, caring for their child, building their secure sense of self.

So, to all of the client-children out there, whether supported by me or another practitioner, know that you are deeply loved and I take great honour and pride in nurturing you as though you are my children*.

*Of course, this is strictly in a professional, metaphorical way.