Gender as a social construct. Letter to the world.
As a proud, intersectional Feminist, Queer, cis-ablebodied-white-woman, I have hesitated to write much on this topic so far because I thought I was not educated, experienced or informed enough and without a trans lived experience. Despite having years of practice and professional experience working with and alongside incredible gender diverse folks, hundreds of hours of training and content absorbed, and a personal life embedded proudly in the queer community, events and celebrations, I still felt inadequate. I was wrong. Be gone, imposter syndrome.
I sit in a privileged position and as a result, have the ability to use my voice and platform to speak out about issues which some of my amazing clients are unable to do for many various and valid reasons. So here goes.
Open letter to the world:
Hello. How dare you, world, tell us who we can and cannot be. Who we are. How dare you shape and construct us for your benefit and profit and containment and restriction. How dare you limit our potential and growth and self exploration and evolution. How dare you.
How dare you assess us and medicalise us, put us through your heteronormative, patriarchal diagnostic tools and criteria, and then charge us hundreds or even thousands of dollars to form opinions about whether we are ‘legitimate’ or valid. How dare you.
How dare you thrust your self righteous white man academia in our faces and research us like animals or slugs. How dare you make even going to the toilet an uncomfortable and confronting experience, that makes me choose between two doors, where people look at me weirdly no matter what I choose. For a basic human need like going to the toilet. How dare you.
How dare you want us for a head count for your inclusion and diversity boards as a tick and flick exercise for compliance. I’ll bet you’re looking really good right about now, happy with yourself. How dare you.
How dare you get in the way of me being me. I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve only been honest with who I am. How dare you quantify my existence and treat me like an outcast or something for your entertainment. How dare you make it so limiting to get around in the world. How dare you only ‘allow’ me to identify in one or two ways on all of the paperwork and every time I sign up to anything. How dare you ‘other’ me. How dare you impact on my mental health so much that I feel depressed and anxious around other people or leaving the house. How dare you make me feel so alone or angry that I feel suicidal and hopeless. How dare you.
How dare you manage and control our education systems by limiting access to inclusive information and holistic sexual education during developmental years. How dare religion still play a role in controlling some parts of the education systems and governing individuals’ choices of expression. Forced compliance is not respectful or inclusive.
I am angry and I have nowhere to put it, for fear of being seen as another angry marginalised person. And yet these feelings are real and valid. And yet it has to go somewhere. And the impact of your actions and attitudes, and sometimes abuses, is still hidden. Absorbed largely by the community that actually does love and accept us, the tribe to which we belong, alongside others who get it. Here we find solace, comfort, respite. Here we create the family we need. Here we find strength and capacity to turn and face you, to stand up to you, to use our power and agency. This, you will never take from us.
Sincerely,
The collective of people in their power.
For anyone wanting to brush up on their queer language, be sure to check out this fun list.
Side note: I give appreciation to a TV series Work In Progress on Stan, where the inclusive representation and dialogue is rich and juicy, and characters challenge social norms and dominant constructs so beautifully. Thank you creators. (NB watch with caution/ informed consent as it also covers issues of suicide.)
