A therapists’ Saturday morning
It doesn’t always look like this. I promise!
This morning happened to be a morning where I woke feeling unsettled. Agitated in my body and mind. Not a nice feeling. The day had not even begun yet. Nothing had had a chance to unravel. And yet this feeling was already trying to have its’ way with me. Not today, Satan.
I knew something had to be done to reclaim myself. So this is how I proceeded to care for myself:
Orientation. I leaned to the top of my bed, opened my curtains and looked out. I looked outside of my own world to orient myself. Yes, I still exist in time and place. Check. Hello world.
Sage. I am a sucker for a cleanse. Ignoring the risk of fire alarms going off at 7.30am, I lit a stick of sage and walked slowly around my apartment. I led with my hand holding the sage, twirling it around areas, nooks, outfits, pillows, doorways and anything else that felt like it held heaviness or negative associations in that moment. I paid attention to every object and moved with my eyes. I quietly, internally whispered gratitude for things like shoes that help me walk around. Real simple stuff.
Coffee. I’m sure plenty of health nuts will advice against it, but I like my strong morning caffeine hit. It is a sensory and grounding ritual for me. I inhale a whiff of the beans, grind them, cook them on the stovetop, listen for the sound of the water bubbling and hissing, pour the rich, dark coloured water out, add my full cream fatty milk (can’t stop, won’t stop), and hold it with two hands in my round mug. Heaven opens.
Yoga. Wanky but true. It doesn’t always happen, and in fact, I need to commit to practicing it more. But this morning I needed to move into and with my body. Turning to YouTube, I put Yoga Flow with Adrienne on the TV. 23 minutes, I could do that. Phone switched to silent, in my pyjamas, I breathed and followed her flow directions from my carpet. Nothing fancy here, folks. Just a very literal, roll out of bed and come as you are moment. Listening to her voice guide me, predominantly with my eyes closed, I could get more out of my own way, out of my own head, and just flow. By the end, I felt slower.
Breakfast and expression. Gazing out the window from my table, I felt the food graze my lips and touch my tongue. I felt its’ cold yoghurt temperature in my mouth as I chewed, noticing and slowing. Onto second round of beverage, I brewed some immunity tea, kept warm by a tea light candle to set my senses extra alight. I wrote some phrases that stood out from the yoga session on my paper. For some reason I wanted to try drawing an owl, or channelling its’ old, slow, wise approach - who knows. Grateful for my own attention to detail, I looked around. I took this photo. Real life. I felt present.
This is how I nourished myself on this morning. Time actually felt like it slowed down. I felt like I had restarted or reclaimed something. My anxious, racing thoughts, perhaps? My body’s agitation and unsettled, unresolved energy, perhaps? A sense of calm in the chaos, perhaps. I felt like I could face whatever unknown things lay ahead that day, just with a little more stability within myself. Nothing groundbreaking here, no earth-shattering new piece of advice. Just more or the same - slowing, breathing, noticing.
Regardless, it felt good to take action. And I’m pleased to say it helped.
I’ll be brutally honest, life does not always allow time and space for this. Mornings can be rushed, overslept or just too damn moody. I do not always have the right tools or equipment. I may have run out of milk or coffee beans and those little elements will really shit me off. But, I am grateful for when it does work because it shows me that changing my state is possible.
And it feels good to share it with you. Because I too am a real human just plodding along, often muddling my way through things too, doing my best. One day at a time.
