Types of Domestic and Family Violence.
Content warning. This page may contain information or words that may be triggering or shocking for some. If you have any concerns please get in touch at any time or seek support from another trusted person, friend, family member or professional.
Counselling can help you reconnect to yourself. Whether you have witnessed or experienced some form of domestic or family abuse as a child, or in your later adult relationships, it can take its’ toll. Whether you are conscious of this or not.
Womxn often describe feeling numb, disconnected, lost, confused, unsure of themselves, wild, restricted or stuck. These responses to abuses have often been pathologised in a dominant, medical system that is build on patriarchal models, which further disempowers and disconnects womxn from themselves. Read below to see some examples (anxiety, low self-esteem, depression and anger) of how these experiences manifest as medicalised, medicated issues.
A specialist therapist can help you understand and name the tactics of abuse, how they have affected your view of yourself, how you relate to others, and your whole self, including your internal and external worlds (emotional, psychological, physical, social, cultural and spiritual).
A trauma approach to therapy is about keeping you as physically and emotionally safe as possible, using strategies that will help maintain your parasympathetic nervous system while we understand the ways your body has learnt to deal with abuse and develop new ways of operating.
Working with a Feminist practice, simply means working towards offering greater empowerment for people through increased choice and control in their lives and themselves.
I see all people identifying as a womxn (cisgender, trans, gender identifying). I operate with a gendered understanding of domestic and family abuse, as womxn are impacted by this at significantly higher rates than mxn. This includes an intersectional knowledge that there are some groups of folks within this that are even more vulnerable.
I use the terms ‘abuse’ instead of, and sometimes interchangeably with, ‘violence’ as it often better encompasses the variety of behaviours that are unhealthy and harmful, including coercive control. This remains differently used and debated across states, territories and their legislations.
Violence affects everybody and is an avoidable burden on the health and wellbeing of womxn, children and communities.
Emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is making a person feel scared, intimidated, insane, stupid or worthless. Examples include threats to harm, kill or abduct, threats to harm children, threats with weapons, criticism, hurting or killing pets (also animal abuse), denying or minimising abuse and placing blame on the person experiencing abuse. It also includes tactics such as blackmail, humiliation, degradation, put downs and name calling. The intention of these behaviours is to make you think you are hopeless, unworthy or unlovable, particularly without the abuser (hence reinforcing isolation and dependence). This affects the way you think about yourself and the world around you, your sense of worth, self esteem and contributes to feelings of guilt, shame, despair and worthlessness. Verbal abuse is a key feature of emotionally abusive relationships. Withholding important information or not including a person in important decision-making are also forms of emotional abuse.
Psychological abuse.
Psychological abuse or 'gaslighting' is a form of psychological manipulation to make a person question their memory, sanity, perception or judgement.
People often report this feeling like they are “going crazy” or second guessing themselves. Over time this erodes your confidence and trust in yourself, your instincts and decision making.
The Gaslighting Effect is a helpful book on understanding the dynamics of this in much more detail.
Physical abuse.
Physical abuse is the use of force against another person. Physical abuse includes pushing, hitting, slapping, shoving, punching, choking, physically holding a person down, twisting limbs, spitting, throwing objects, using weapons, destroying or damaging property, and/or disposing of a person’s belongings without their consent. This is not an exhaustive list.
It can be actual or attempted with the intent to injure, control or instil fear. Physical abuse includes damaging property or throwing items near or around you in order to intimidate or threaten.
Multiple types of abuses often occur in relationships with domestic violence.
Strangulation is now a stand alone offence.
Coercive control.
Coercive control usually occurs as a pattern of abuse where a person is isolated from their support network, restricted from doing things freely and without consequence, put down, and made to live in fear due to constant threats or intimidation.
Coercive control may include being monitored constantly, deprived of basic necessities such as money, and restricted in movement and the people you can contact. Coercive control may be subtle and non-violent but is an extreme form of control impacting a person’s everyday life and mental health.
A person may coerce you to stay or behave a certain way if they threaten suicide if you leave, threaten harm to you, children or pets, threaten to blame you and falsify charges, threaten to contact agencies such as police, child safety, Centrelink or your workplace, or threaten to take the children in custody battles.
Social abuse.
Social abuse is any form of behaviour that isolates a person from their social network including, friends, family neighbours and colleagues.
Examples include criticising friends and family, preventing use of the family car, physically isolating a person by moving away and demanding to know where a person is at any given time.
This can also include controlling who you see, where you go or what you wear. ‘Jealousy’, describing past relationship pains or infidelities, or accusing you of current infidelity are often used to justify such measures. It is deliberately sabotaging relationships with your networks by things like ruining family events, making such a scene that nobody wants to return or telling you that your old friends and family are bad for you. It can be monitoring and questioning your every move; how long it took at the shop, why you took so long at gym, who you spoke to at work or going through your devices or social media accounts.
Financial abuse.
Financial abuse is controlling someone’s money or denying them access to funds. It includes interfering with a person’s employment, denying a person input on financial decisions, making a person ask for money for basic items such as food, petrol and clothing, and forcing them to provide receipts to account for spending.
It can include fraudulent behaviours such as opening accounts (emails, utilities, etc) in another person’s name, obtaining and keeping their credit card details without consent, and making purchases under their name or details without consent.
This can, but not necessarily, be linked to other problem, secretive and addictive behaviours such as gambling, pornography, substance misuse or non-consentual affairs.
Stalking.
Stalking includes turning up in places where you are, following you, leaving notes or moving objects on your property, knowing what you have discussed with others by using listening devices, tracking your location or movements by using apps or physical devices, sending unreasonable amounts of messages or contacts, spamming your emails, calling on private numbers or placing cameras in your home or property. These are all done without your consent.
This behaviour is usually part of an ongoing pattern and is a stand alone offence.
Tech abuse.
Tech abuse is the monitoring or stalking of a person through devices such as phones, cameras, spyware and tracking technology. Tech abuse also includes accessing the phones or devices of someone without their consent.
The Women’s Technology Safety and Privacy Toolkit helps you learn how to increase technology safety and privacy, and includes resource guides ranging from online privacy and safety tips to smartphone privacy and location safety information, and much more.
The content of contact sometimes swings between threats and declarations of love, commitment or apologies.
Sexual abuse.
Sexual abuse includes any forced or unwanted sexual activity. Sexual abuse can include rape, unwanted kissing or touching and forcing someone to do something they do not want to do, including watching pornography. This includes applying pressure for sex or making you feel guilty for not engaging in sex in any way. It also includes slander and spreading false rumours about you sexually.
Revenge porn, where a person’s sexually explicit images are shared without consent, is also sexual abuse.
Reproductive abuse.
Reproductive abuse is when a person exercises control over their partner’s reproductive health in any way. This can include use or non-use of contraception, refusing to have sex without contraception or coercing a person into an unwanted pregnancy or termination.
People can also accompany their partner to medical appointments and take over the conversations with professionals, appearing like a united front.
Research shows that other forms of domestic abuses occur more during pregnancy for some, meaning that when a woman is pregnant this can be a high risk time for abuses to increase, placing her and the child at risk.
Cultural or spiritual abuse.
Cultural or spiritual abuse is often used to undermine a person’s self-identity by criticising their beliefs, quoting religious texts to justify abusive behaviour, denying freedom to speak their native tongue or practice their own culture.
Pet abuse.
Pet abuse is a type of abuse that can occur in situations of domestic and family violence. A person may intimidate their partner or children by threatening to harm or harming the family pet/s as a form of coercive control.
Research supports that people who harm animals are more likely to be violent toward humans.
Research also shows that people delay leaving abusive relationships because they fear for their pet’s safety and do not want to leave their pet/s behind.
Systems abuse.
Systemic abuse is the use of power and control through ‘systems’ or services/agencies. Systemic abuse can include taking a DVO out against a current or former partner who has not perpetrated violence or causing a person to go into debt or cause detriment in any way through the court process.
The intention of systemic abuse can be to interrupt, prolong or defer judicial or administrative processes to drain a person mentally, financially or impact on their ability to work or care for their children. Read more about the impacts of systems abuse in my blog here.