Unapologetically me
The saying, you do you, is so commonplace now. It seems encouraging and genuine.
But it’s just not that easy for many. While this saying has been borne out of confidence and healthy self-love and acceptance, it can be a struggle for many who have not been able to or yet fully comfortable to ‘do them’.
Many things in our inner and outer worlds can hold us back from being our full, true selves. From being unapologetically you.
The main contender, is shame. Shame can manifest in all sorts of fun, warped ways. It can emerge as people pleasing, lack of self confidence, fawning, not speaking up and even masked as ‘going with the flow’.
Basically, shame can emerge (as in, is often the culprit behind) anytime when we make compromises of our selves.
Anything that dampens, quietens or modifies who you really are, what you really think and feel and what you want to do, that is shame sneakily getting in the way of you living your best life. Whatever that looks like. And because it can be so sneaky and cleaver at disguising itself, it can take a while until we notice that we are not being our truest of true selves. Our unapoligetic selves. It can be as simple as an invitation out with a group of friends who want to go to a restaurant that you’re just not that into. You would prefer to go elsewhere or stay at home but you don’t pipe up and say anything. You go to the dinner anyway and put on the smile and fake it. Sure, it was nice to see your friends, and sometimes those relational and group compromises are reasonable and required, but we’ve all had those one or two times when we wish we’d been able to say something. Why didn’t we? Why couldn’t we be our unapologetic selves in those moments?
And, can you imagine a time when you possibly could say something?
One of the tricks to changing the grip of self compromise and to start being more unapologetically you, is to start imagining the things you want to be different, to be possible. Literally imagine it. Close your eyes, picture a world where whatever it is that you feel could be different, or that part of you that’s been silent or shut off for sometime… is more visible, louder, present. It exists.
The most inspiring, heartwarming and inclusive movie, The Greatest Showman, boasts a song that cuts to the core of what it can be like to walk through a world that can be unaccepting, judgemental and cruel: This Is Me. Listen deeply, feel the rawness and then the strength. The lyrics describe a journey. Of moving through pain, difficulty, isolation and shame. Of working a way through that and then coming to a place of deserving and worth.
It can take a while for many of us to get to milestone moments where we may truly be able to say “this is me, unapologetically”. For those around us watching on, be patient with us. For those of us who have already felt this, celebrate and hold your head up high, be encouraging but not pushy for others to get there also, in their own time and way.
Walking through life unapologetically, means in no way do you need to be brutal or intolerable to others and all of our glorious diversity and differences. No. It means that you are claiming your space. It means that there is space for you in this world as much as there is for all the others. We can all fit. And you have realised this. Welcome, beautiful soul.
You do you, shine bright like a diamond, and be unapologetically you. As much as you are ready to be. And then know, that when you are ready for more, there is even more of yourself waiting for you around the corner.
