Expressing Yourself at Work

Finding the Balance Between Standing Up for Yourself and Staying Cool

Let’s face it: expressing yourself at work can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope while juggling flaming torches. One wrong move and you could end up in a heap of confusion, misunderstandings, or worse—an office cold war that no one knows how to de-escalate. But here’s the catch: communication in the workplace is tricky, and it’s also crucial. So why does it so often feel like we’re tiptoeing through a minefield when all we want to do is be heard?

Why It’s So Tough

It’s not just you. The struggle to express yourself without overreacting or underreacting is real. Many of us are seeking what the “right way” to do this is. And the truth is, it’s personal, subjective and requires us to be nuanced and in regular self reflection to fine tune this over time. In an environment where there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, honesty and oversharing, vulnerability and weakness, navigating these emotional currents is no easy task.

Here’s where it gets complicated: we're not just talking about saying the right thing—it's about saying it in a way that doesn’t come off as too aggressive or too passive, that takes into account your colleagues’ needs while also honoring your own. It’s about getting your point across without turning into that person who always seems to be "speaking their truth" at the most inconvenient moments.

We’ve all been there: realizing you didn’t say what you meant in the way you meant it. Or worse, the feeling of bottling up your thoughts because you were worried about rocking the boat too much, then going home and dwelling or ruminating on it and berating yourself for “failing”. Neither extreme is the sweet spot. And yet, so many of us (myself included) constantly wobble between these two ends of the spectrum.

Some of us are more task focussed, others are more relationship focussed. Some of us have different personality structures (like being introverted or extroverted) and different levels of confidence. Most of us, have insufficient experiences to draw from to inform our nervous systems that when we express ourselves and engage in regulated communication and collaboration, that magic really can happen and it doesn’t have to end up in WWIII. Many of us carry wounds from times when trying to express ourselves has gone terribly ‘wrong’, and this might pivot us into avoiding expressing ourselves for fear of conflict or other elevated emotions from the other.

This takes time, practice, repetition and patience. We need to normalise why it’s hard first, take some of that pressure off,

The Magic of Balance

So, what’s the secret to finding that elusive sweet spot where we can stand up for ourselves without causing chaos? Emotional regulation and maturity, my friends. I know, I know—"emotional regulation" sounds like something that belongs in therapy or at home. But the truth is, we need it everywhere, all the time. Especially when there’s critical matters or risk situations like in some workplaces (think frontline services, health workers, etc).

The key to effective self-expression is being able to identify what’s worth voicing and what’s better left for another time (or another channel). The more we understand why we feel a certain way, the easier it becomes to communicate without reacting impulsively. It’s about pausing to check in with ourselves before we speak—taking that deep breath or hitting "pause" in the conversation long enough to sort through our emotions and what signals we’re getting from our body.

But here's the thing: emotional regulation doesn’t mean keeping everything bottled up until you explode. It’s more like having the maturity to know when and how to channel those emotions into a productive conversation. It means figuring out when to stand firm and when to collaborate, when to assert your viewpoint and when to listen carefully to someone else’s.

The Collaboration Part: It’s Not All About You

Finding this balance isn’t just about you being heard; it’s also about respecting the people around you. A huge part of workplace communication involves collaboration—working with others, not against them. Sometimes, the most effective way to express yourself is to start by acknowledging the perspectives of others. "I hear you, and here’s what I think" is so much more powerful than "I don’t agree with you, here’s why you’re wrong."

Being able to genuinely say, “Thank you” when someone else shares or is requesting something from you, or even directing you to a task, is the basic, neutral starting point. Following this up with, “And here’s what I’d add to that…”, covers the both-and function we are seeking in these interactions. By reducing the amount of binary, rigid thinking that one person has to be either all right or all wrong, we start to open up all sorts of possibilities. And you can even experience feeling heard in the process.

When you factor in the needs of your colleagues, the conversation shifts from confrontation to cooperation. And that’s when things get really interesting. And potentially transformative, for you, the relationship, the workplace and even the task at hand.

The Power of Mature Expression

How do we express ourselves in workplace environments where there is also elements present of power, hierarchy, covert and overt communications, etc? How to we express ourselves in regulated, clear, concise, emotionally mature ways?

This article is highlighting the importance of process just as much as outcome. And by looking at drivers, motivations and what’s at stake if we don’t engage in constructive, open dialogue that is honour of self, other and outcome.

Expressing yourself effectively at work is not about turning every disagreement into a battle or avoiding conflict altogether. It’s about navigating the emotional landscape with self-awareness and maturity. When you can communicate your needs clearly, while staying cool under pressure and valuing collaboration, you create an environment where others feel safe to do the same. And that’s how great teams are built.

In the end, it’s not just about being able to express yourself—it’s about expressing yourself in a way that helps you build better relationships, navigate difficult conversations, and ultimately, create a healthier, more productive workplace. And as a result, gets the job done.

So, the next time you find yourself on that tightrope of workplace communication, take a deep breath, find your balance, and remember: you don’t have to juggle flaming torches after all. Slow down a fraction. Just one well-timed, thoughtful comment can light the way.