10 Things to Say to Your Therapist If You Want to Go Deeper

Ever thought to yourself, “this feels a bit too surface level”, or "Is this all it’s going to be?"

There’s nothing worse than walking out of therapy feeling like you just had a nice chat.

You booked that session because you needed depth. Insight. Healing. Or at the very least, a nudge closer to the truth you’ve been circling for years.

But instead? It felt…polite. Predictable. Maybe even a little performative.

You’re not alone. And you don’t have to stay stuck in sessions that skim the surface. It’s a waste of time, money, energy for everyone - let’s be real.

Here’s the truth we don’t say loudly enough as therapists:

You are allowed to challenge us.

You are allowed to name what’s missing.

And you are absolutely allowed to ask for more.

Here are 10 powerful things you can say to your therapist if you're craving more depth, honesty, or emotional exploration in your work together:

1. “I don’t feel like we’re getting to the root of things enough.”

This opens the door to talk about the why behind your patterns, not just the what. It lets your therapist know you're ready to move past symptom management and into deeper territory.

2. “Can we slow down here? I feel like there’s more under the surface.”

Sometimes we therapists are so focused on covering ground or tracking your week that we miss an emotional undercurrent. Your invitation to pause can shift the whole session.

3. “I notice we tend to stay in safe topics—can we go into the messier stuff?”

Naming the pattern is the work. This one takes guts, but it tells your therapist you’re not here to play nice. You’re here to change.

4. “I think I’ve been performing in here. I want to stop doing that.”

Many people-pleasers and high-functioners do this—yes, even in therapy. Saying it out loud is a brave move toward authenticity and breaking old patterns - the ones you’re in therapy to explore, challenge and likely shift.

5. “I want you to challenge me more.”

Yes, yes, yes. Therapists aren't meant to just mirror you gently forever. If you’re ready to be lovingly called out, let us know. We can do that (and still have your back).

6. “Can we talk more about emotions, not just events?”

If your sessions feel like a play-by-play of your week, this request brings the focus back to how you felt (and where that comes from and why, etc), not just what happened.

7. “I’m not sure I’ve let you really see me yet. I want to try.”

This kind of honesty can break therapy wide open. It signals your readiness to be witnessed—not just supported.

8. “Sometimes I leave here feeling like nothing really shifted. Can we talk about that?”

Therapy isn’t always lightbulb moments and tears—but it also shouldn’t feel hollow. This kind of feedback can help both of you recalibrate.

9. “Is there anything you’re noticing that I’m not?”

Sometimes we need our therapist to bring their lens forward. If they’re holding back, this gives permission to name what they see.

10. “Can I tell you how therapy has (or hasn’t) been working for me lately?”

This is an invitation to collaborate. You’re not criticizing—you’re co-creating. And good therapy should always be co-created.

A Loving Reminder: You’re Not Too Much for Wanting More

You deserve a space that doesn’t just soothe you, but also stretches you. Where you can fall apart a little. Where you're not just understood, but also deeply seen. This, is good therapy.

If your therapy has felt flat, distant, or too “friendly,” say something. You’re not being difficult—you’re being honest. And if your therapist is truly a good fit, they’ll welcome the conversation.

If they can’t meet you there? That’s information, too.

Therapy should actually (healthily) challenge both people in the room.

So go ahead—shake things up.

Get your needs met. Asking for what you want and need; now that’s probably what therapy is giving you experiential learning in!